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You see this woman here in the bikini?


I was looking at this picture the other day, and it got me thinking about the modern dating scene. It’s a jungle out there, people! And sometimes, you feel like you need a whole scuba suit just to navigate it.

You see this woman here in the bikini? She’s clearly having a relaxing bath, right? Bubbles, a little face mask… living her best life. And then BAM! In waltzes… well, I don’t know what that is. Is that a scuba diver? Did they run out of towels and this was the only thing available? Maybe they’re trying a new extreme spa treatment: "Deep Sea Relaxation." I'm picturing them coming out of the bath and saying, "Honey, I feel so refreshed, I could explore the Mariana Trench!"

But then you’ve got this other lady, the one with the killer dress and the even killerer stare. She’s like, "Get out! This is my tub!" She’s got that look like she’s about to drop a Yelp review that’s gonna sink this place faster than the Titanic. And the scuba diver… he’s just sitting there, looking all innocent, like, "What? I thought this was an all-you-can-bubble buffet."

It’s like my last Tinder date. I showed up, I thought we were going for coffee, you know, a nice, casual meet-cute. Instead, she pulls out a full set of rock-climbing gear. I’m looking at her like, "Are we climbing a mountain, or are we just going to discuss our favorite artisanal cheeses?" She said, "I like to be prepared for any adventure!" I said, "The only adventure I'm prepared for is finding a good parking spot."

And the worst part is, you try to explain yourself, and they just look at you like you're the crazy one. Like, I’m the one who brought a snorkel to a book club. They’re the ones who showed up to a poetry slam in full hazmat gear.

So yeah, the dating scene. It’s a lot like this picture. You never know who or what you're going to find, and sometimes, you just have to ask yourself, "Is this a date, or am I about to get drafted into an underwater expedition?" And if you see someone in a wetsuit in your bathtub, just remember, it’s probably not a good sign. Unless, of course, you are expecting a mermaid. Then all bets are off. 

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